Flirtin' With Disaster

The topic of this blog came from the inside of a Dove candy wrapper. Did I mention I love chocolate? Well, I opened one up and on the inside they have these little messages, and it said, "flirting is mandatory." I have to say that this is very true, even for a southern lady. Or should I say, particularly for a southern lady.

I'm not talking about the full-on, robust, and sometimes bordering on raunchy kind of flirtation. The in-your-face stuff is simply not appropriate. No, the proper way to flirt...the ladylike way...is to be very subtle...the ultimate coquette. Most women have an innate ability to do this. Some of us hone the skill over time. We watch and learn from the women around us. This is not always a good thing.

I never realized how good I was at it until one fateful day at church. Yes, at church. This is not one of the finer moments in my life, and may change how some who read this see me. But alas, it happened.

It was a very small church without many singles in it. I was very active, singing in the choir, working with vacation Bible school, and teaching Sunday School for the college kids. And I was single. Now, you have to understand that I don't have a very good self-esteem. To think that any man could be interested in me "that way" was just absolutely ridiculous to me at the time. I was on some of the church committees and spent a bit of time with several of the men in our church, especially the pastor. We all got along very well.

One night, after choir practice and before church started, the pastor's wife asked me if she could speak to me in private. I thought she was going to ask me to help her with something, perhaps babysit her children as I had done in the past. But no. She had to tell me that it bothered her immensely to see me sitting up there in the choir behind her husband. That she thought I was trolling for him. That she didn't like this and wanted me to stop.

I sat there listening to her and I cannot tell you how astonished I was. I tried to put my finger on exactly what she could be getting at. I didn't want her husband. In fact, my first thought was "EWWWWW!!!" The hurt I felt that she could be thinking this was beyond comprehension. I apologized to her profusely, and I quit the choir that day. I left that church soon after. I just couldn't figure out how it got to that point, and I was afraid it might escalate in her mind.

What that encounter taught me is that it's easy for me to flirt, maybe even when I don't intend to do so. I've become very sensitive to this ever since. Because I know that I turn on the charm when I want something. I'm no sex kitten. So the fact that this could be such a powerful tool in my arsenal astounds me. And it scares me that I might utilize it without even thinking or intending to do so. It's that innate, I suppose.

A friend once told me that my voice perpetuates this problem. It's a little low and smooth, sort of in the Kathleen Turner department. The "$4.95 a minute" voice. If I want to, I can drop it down a notch and make it sound very inviting. So, I have to mind that, too.

It's an amazing thing, how women have these tools. How we just know to use them and quickly learn how they benefit us. Bless our hearts, we almost can't help ourselves! Because even ogres like me can work it sometimes!